(yes, this post is late. is anyone really surprised?)
Ian, you turned 2. How is it that you have been in my life, out of my womb, for that long already?
You grow and change so much each day. You still love biscuits and beans and blueberries and now we can add bacon to that list. Your favorite songs are Baby Bumblebee and Baa-Baa Black Sheep.* You love to take baths but hate to have your hair washed. Just recently you have become such a fan of trucks and trains.
When you were first born you were a carbon copy of your father, and now you are starting to look a little bit like me. Some facial expressions that you make remind me of photos taken when I was about 3 years old.
You never fail to say unexpected things that make me laugh. For your birthday you received a Leap Frog compuer. This, along with the Elmo camera, are your two constant companions right now. The computer says "Hi, Ian" when you turn it on. For a few days you just said "hi" in response. The other day, just after your bath you turned it on. "Hi, Ian" it said to you. "Hi. Mommy just cleaned my booty" you told the computer.
You play more independently now and will often sing or read your books to yourself. Going to bed is easier some nights and you tell us when you are ready to "rock a baby." You want to climb into the car yourself and often flop in like a fish and wiggle until you get where you need to go. Climbing is a favorite activity and you have no fear. I almost forgot --you love slides. We go to the park and you can wear us out.
Though you can severely frustrate me with your terrible twos, I love that I have you. I love wrestling in the floor with you and catching you reading to yourself. I love tickling your belly and making you giggle. I love the earnest expressions you have and that you finally want to walk and hold my hand.
Right now I am still one of your favorite people. I know that as you grow up (so quickly) that will begin to change. I'm going to hold on to your tiny, warm baby self as long as I can.
You will always be my baby boy.
Love,
Mama
*As I re-read this prior to posting I realized the alliteration going on in your life. I wonder what that means.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I Am A Dry Creekbed
I did not hit my son. I did not. But part of me wanted to.
Instead, I yelled. That deep down from the belly guttral emission that is meant to get everyone's attention. And it did. Even Daddy came running.
I don't make a habit of yelling or even grunting at my child. But he is currently making a habit of hitting me. And often. Out of frustration, out of anger, out of confusion, out of the terrible twos. That night I was tired. So tired and I just wanted him to go to bed. To lay down and go to sleep so that I could have a little bit of time to unwind and then go to bed myself. He had other ideas.
Poor baby jumped in my arms as I emitted this strange and primitive sound and then he cried harder. I realize I did myself no favors. I know better. Usually I can remain calm, take a deep breath, walk away even. That night I didn't hit just the wall, I barreled into it full steam, throttle wide open.
I have no excuse.
Would it have really hurt me to go back out to the couch and read with him for 10 minutes? No. Would it have hurt him to go to bed 10 or 15 minutes later? Nope. Worse was that his cry changed. It wasn't the I-don't-want-to-go-to-sleep cry, it became different. I knew it and yet I still hesitated to go into the room because I was angry at him. Daddy went in and found out his foot was stuck between the mattress and the railing. And didn't that make me feel like the bestest bitchy mom of the year?
So many things are a battle right now: getting dressed, having a bath, brushing teeth, getting in the car seat, getting out of the carseat, changing his diaper, sitting in the high chair at a restaurant, not having the exact food he wants, going to bed. I know he is growing and exploring and I try to let him make his own decisions and have a say in what he is doing (as much as an almost 2 year old can) and some days it just wears me out.
Sometimes I don't want to wait for him to be ready to get dressed; I need to get to work.
I want to eat a meal in a resaurant without him on my lap.
I don't want to read the Elmo book 12 times in a row.
I want to cook dinner without worrying I will spill something hot on him because he is under my feet.
Parenting is hard. I know that. I thought that yell would have deflated the balloon that was my frustrating rage. It didn't. My boiling well of ire continued into the next morning and flared when he would not get dressed. This time I walked away. But I'm still sitting here dreading the upcoming battle(s).
One of the best parts of my day is picking him up from daycare and having him come running at me full-tilt, arms open for a hug. I love that part of my day.
Today I am tired. Today I feel like I don't have anything else to give. My river of patience and understanding and committment to alternative parenting is dry. I feel like a dry creekbed, rocks gray and bare to the beating sun. And I have no idea what to do to get the water flowing again.
Instead, I yelled. That deep down from the belly guttral emission that is meant to get everyone's attention. And it did. Even Daddy came running.
I don't make a habit of yelling or even grunting at my child. But he is currently making a habit of hitting me. And often. Out of frustration, out of anger, out of confusion, out of the terrible twos. That night I was tired. So tired and I just wanted him to go to bed. To lay down and go to sleep so that I could have a little bit of time to unwind and then go to bed myself. He had other ideas.
Poor baby jumped in my arms as I emitted this strange and primitive sound and then he cried harder. I realize I did myself no favors. I know better. Usually I can remain calm, take a deep breath, walk away even. That night I didn't hit just the wall, I barreled into it full steam, throttle wide open.
I have no excuse.
Would it have really hurt me to go back out to the couch and read with him for 10 minutes? No. Would it have hurt him to go to bed 10 or 15 minutes later? Nope. Worse was that his cry changed. It wasn't the I-don't-want-to-go-to-sleep cry, it became different. I knew it and yet I still hesitated to go into the room because I was angry at him. Daddy went in and found out his foot was stuck between the mattress and the railing. And didn't that make me feel like the bestest bitchy mom of the year?
So many things are a battle right now: getting dressed, having a bath, brushing teeth, getting in the car seat, getting out of the carseat, changing his diaper, sitting in the high chair at a restaurant, not having the exact food he wants, going to bed. I know he is growing and exploring and I try to let him make his own decisions and have a say in what he is doing (as much as an almost 2 year old can) and some days it just wears me out.
Sometimes I don't want to wait for him to be ready to get dressed; I need to get to work.
I want to eat a meal in a resaurant without him on my lap.
I don't want to read the Elmo book 12 times in a row.
I want to cook dinner without worrying I will spill something hot on him because he is under my feet.
Parenting is hard. I know that. I thought that yell would have deflated the balloon that was my frustrating rage. It didn't. My boiling well of ire continued into the next morning and flared when he would not get dressed. This time I walked away. But I'm still sitting here dreading the upcoming battle(s).
One of the best parts of my day is picking him up from daycare and having him come running at me full-tilt, arms open for a hug. I love that part of my day.
Today I am tired. Today I feel like I don't have anything else to give. My river of patience and understanding and committment to alternative parenting is dry. I feel like a dry creekbed, rocks gray and bare to the beating sun. And I have no idea what to do to get the water flowing again.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Let Them Drink Milk
I breastfed for 13 months and would have gone longer had my son not weaned himself. I went back to work when my son was 8 weeks old and I pumped for the first year of his life so that at daycare he could still have breastmilk.
I had a supportive workplace. At the time the office head was a woman and had breastfed two children. 3 women in another department had pumped before I ever thought of getting pregnant. I was lucky.
Research supports breastfeeding and I hope the corporate world will pay attention. If nothing else, maybe the laws will: New Breastfeeding Laws.
Women have enough hurdles in the workforce. Doing what is best for our children should not be a hurdle that we have to fight.
I had a supportive workplace. At the time the office head was a woman and had breastfed two children. 3 women in another department had pumped before I ever thought of getting pregnant. I was lucky.
Research supports breastfeeding and I hope the corporate world will pay attention. If nothing else, maybe the laws will: New Breastfeeding Laws.
Women have enough hurdles in the workforce. Doing what is best for our children should not be a hurdle that we have to fight.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Gearing Up To Be Me
Everyday me likes jeans and t-shirts. And goes without makeup.
Everyday me likes flat shoes and tall socks.
Everyday me has a dry sense of humor, tends to be solitary and would prefer the company of a few to the company of many.
Everyday me has to go to a large company gathering in less than 2 months. Everyday me will have to put on a suit, make-up, heels and network amongst the company masses. In Las Vegas.
The company I work for is in a professional industry and appearances do still count. Lucikly, in our local office, my immediate boss allows us to be flexible in our dress code so I get to dress down more than I have to dress up.
Everyday me is annoyed that I have to go along with appearances and wear the right clothes and make sure to greet the right people. Everyday me wants to kick and scream and protest. Shouldn't I be appreciated for my brain more than my beauty? It's the same brain doing the same job, whether I wear jeans or a power suit.
I know studies show that people who dress more professionally often work more professionally and are more productive, but I seem to react the opposite way. I'm uncomfortable in my fancy work clothes. I don't feel like myself.
Everyday me will have to go into hiding a little bit while I pull out Professional me. I used to pull out Professional me a lot more than I do now. I think I must be out of practice. Everyday me is also practical and realizes that it is Professional me that allows my family to live the way we do and have the choices in our lives that we have.
I also know that Professional me is a lot like Everyday me, just a bit more spit-shine polished. Now, if I can just convince Everyday me that being Professional me is no more difficult than playing dress up, we might have a winner.
Everyday me likes flat shoes and tall socks.
Everyday me has a dry sense of humor, tends to be solitary and would prefer the company of a few to the company of many.
Everyday me has to go to a large company gathering in less than 2 months. Everyday me will have to put on a suit, make-up, heels and network amongst the company masses. In Las Vegas.
The company I work for is in a professional industry and appearances do still count. Lucikly, in our local office, my immediate boss allows us to be flexible in our dress code so I get to dress down more than I have to dress up.
Everyday me is annoyed that I have to go along with appearances and wear the right clothes and make sure to greet the right people. Everyday me wants to kick and scream and protest. Shouldn't I be appreciated for my brain more than my beauty? It's the same brain doing the same job, whether I wear jeans or a power suit.
I know studies show that people who dress more professionally often work more professionally and are more productive, but I seem to react the opposite way. I'm uncomfortable in my fancy work clothes. I don't feel like myself.
Everyday me will have to go into hiding a little bit while I pull out Professional me. I used to pull out Professional me a lot more than I do now. I think I must be out of practice. Everyday me is also practical and realizes that it is Professional me that allows my family to live the way we do and have the choices in our lives that we have.
I also know that Professional me is a lot like Everyday me, just a bit more spit-shine polished. Now, if I can just convince Everyday me that being Professional me is no more difficult than playing dress up, we might have a winner.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
What if everything had to fit into 3 suitcases?
This post is probably going to seem a little odd. But then again, I've already mentioned that I am odd.
Over at BlogHer I stumbled upon a great post. It's not easy to read and yet we all know someone that is there or is almost at that point, especially given the economy.
It very much solidified my deep inner choices for wanting to go minimalist with my life and possessions. The fewer things that I have, the fewer things then that I will need, the less money I will spend and the happier I will be in general. I want the things around me in my house to matter. So item number 2 really hit me as important. And the animals. That too struck me as something very important that often gets overlooked.
I had a friend that was out of work for more than 18 months. Luckily, he had family to rely on; not everyone does. So today, also be thankful for your family and your friends that you can rely on in tough times.
How To Prepare For Homelessness
And just remember: this kind of situation is happening to people just like you and me everyday. It makes me thankful for the job I have, the roof over my head, and also makes me feel a little shameful for all of the things that I waste my money on when I really know that I can do without them.
Over at BlogHer I stumbled upon a great post. It's not easy to read and yet we all know someone that is there or is almost at that point, especially given the economy.
It very much solidified my deep inner choices for wanting to go minimalist with my life and possessions. The fewer things that I have, the fewer things then that I will need, the less money I will spend and the happier I will be in general. I want the things around me in my house to matter. So item number 2 really hit me as important. And the animals. That too struck me as something very important that often gets overlooked.
I had a friend that was out of work for more than 18 months. Luckily, he had family to rely on; not everyone does. So today, also be thankful for your family and your friends that you can rely on in tough times.
How To Prepare For Homelessness
And just remember: this kind of situation is happening to people just like you and me everyday. It makes me thankful for the job I have, the roof over my head, and also makes me feel a little shameful for all of the things that I waste my money on when I really know that I can do without them.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
More Minimalism
I have already committed to buying no new yarn in 2011. I am going to use up my stash, finding projects that really appeal to me and the yarn I already have.
And then I found this: Minimalist Knitter. It's like it was meant to be. Now I have somewhere to turn when I get discouraged, or distracted by all that yummy, shiny, squishy soft yarn!
And then I found this: Minimalist Knitter. It's like it was meant to be. Now I have somewhere to turn when I get discouraged, or distracted by all that yummy, shiny, squishy soft yarn!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
What I Want For 2011
Less stuff.
I started with 2010 being my year to get organized. I got there...sort of. I really purged my closet, though I admit it needs another visit whereby I have a serious talk with myself about how much clothing I really need. I joined Paperbackswap and have purged a lot of my books. And even though I have requested some in return, not only do I have fewer books, I have saved money on buying those books. I somewhat organized the spare bedroom, got my yarn organized, labeled and in storage bins and hubby got the garage in shape but I still feel like I can do so much better.
In many ways I already have a minimalist outlook: I rarely wear makeup and have very little of that in my drawer. As a family, we use primarily castile soap for all our body and hair washing needs. With my short hair I don't need brushes or hairdriers or styling tools. I only carry one purse/diaper bag combo for myself and my toddler. It's an everyday bag. From the moment he was born I refused to be that woman that carried not only her purse, her child on her hip, but also a bag as large as her car trunk full of more stuff. Only one time can I think where that was an issue and we were saved because in the car was a sweater my son could wear after blowing out his diaper in public.
I have found a couple of website to help me take the next steps, to keep me inspired and to lift me up when I lose my way: miss minimalist and the minimalist mom and frugal babe. They all have gone through this, they all have different outlooks, needs and takes on the subject and I think I will find my own way with a combination of their advice.
Everyone has to define what they need. And that is where I can get stumped. I know, I know, start small and work from there.
I know that I don't need as many books as I have. But I really love to read. It's a stress reliever and a hobby and ebooks just don't do it for me. They don't. So, keep the books I really really really love, swap the rest, borrow some and do without others. How many books is that though?
And yarn. Oh, the yarn. I'm a knitter and I have too much yarn. I have already committed to not purchasing any yarn in 2011. I am going to use up as much of my stash as I can. I felt a little bit of panic when I made this decision but now it feels really good. I know I have way more yarn than I need to keep me busy for the year and I have a large variety of yarn so I know I won't get bored with it. Ok then, so when I whittle down the stash, what is the appropriate amount to keep on hand? One medium rubbermaid tub of yarn and needles? (I currently have about 5-6 tubs of the same size full of yarn.)
And what about the random items? Meaning, I have a torn meniscus. I have a doctor prescribed fancy knee brace and an everyday one that stays in my purse. To me, those are necessary. I think we have way too many towels but I don't think the hubby will agree to getting rid of a lot of them. My camera. I must have it. Not because I have to fill paper albums full of pictures, but because I will record my son as he grows up. Most of those photos end up on Facebook for out of town family to watch him grow as well. The picnic backpack: we haven't used it, will we really?
As I sit here and think about stuff, much comes to mind that I can toss: the whole junk drawer with the exception of the Sharpie marker. The extra wine openers that we hate and never use. So many juice and drinking glasses we never touch. The boxes of stuff in the attic that have gone through two moves and never been opened.
I want less stuff because I really do think it will make my life easier. Can I do without a car and the TV? Not right now. But there is plenty of stuff I can live without right now that needs to go. Then I can focus on the weightier issues.
I'm off to look at the calendar to find a day in January I can take off of work and get started.
I started with 2010 being my year to get organized. I got there...sort of. I really purged my closet, though I admit it needs another visit whereby I have a serious talk with myself about how much clothing I really need. I joined Paperbackswap and have purged a lot of my books. And even though I have requested some in return, not only do I have fewer books, I have saved money on buying those books. I somewhat organized the spare bedroom, got my yarn organized, labeled and in storage bins and hubby got the garage in shape but I still feel like I can do so much better.
In many ways I already have a minimalist outlook: I rarely wear makeup and have very little of that in my drawer. As a family, we use primarily castile soap for all our body and hair washing needs. With my short hair I don't need brushes or hairdriers or styling tools. I only carry one purse/diaper bag combo for myself and my toddler. It's an everyday bag. From the moment he was born I refused to be that woman that carried not only her purse, her child on her hip, but also a bag as large as her car trunk full of more stuff. Only one time can I think where that was an issue and we were saved because in the car was a sweater my son could wear after blowing out his diaper in public.
I have found a couple of website to help me take the next steps, to keep me inspired and to lift me up when I lose my way: miss minimalist and the minimalist mom and frugal babe. They all have gone through this, they all have different outlooks, needs and takes on the subject and I think I will find my own way with a combination of their advice.
Everyone has to define what they need. And that is where I can get stumped. I know, I know, start small and work from there.
I know that I don't need as many books as I have. But I really love to read. It's a stress reliever and a hobby and ebooks just don't do it for me. They don't. So, keep the books I really really really love, swap the rest, borrow some and do without others. How many books is that though?
And yarn. Oh, the yarn. I'm a knitter and I have too much yarn. I have already committed to not purchasing any yarn in 2011. I am going to use up as much of my stash as I can. I felt a little bit of panic when I made this decision but now it feels really good. I know I have way more yarn than I need to keep me busy for the year and I have a large variety of yarn so I know I won't get bored with it. Ok then, so when I whittle down the stash, what is the appropriate amount to keep on hand? One medium rubbermaid tub of yarn and needles? (I currently have about 5-6 tubs of the same size full of yarn.)
And what about the random items? Meaning, I have a torn meniscus. I have a doctor prescribed fancy knee brace and an everyday one that stays in my purse. To me, those are necessary. I think we have way too many towels but I don't think the hubby will agree to getting rid of a lot of them. My camera. I must have it. Not because I have to fill paper albums full of pictures, but because I will record my son as he grows up. Most of those photos end up on Facebook for out of town family to watch him grow as well. The picnic backpack: we haven't used it, will we really?
As I sit here and think about stuff, much comes to mind that I can toss: the whole junk drawer with the exception of the Sharpie marker. The extra wine openers that we hate and never use. So many juice and drinking glasses we never touch. The boxes of stuff in the attic that have gone through two moves and never been opened.
I want less stuff because I really do think it will make my life easier. Can I do without a car and the TV? Not right now. But there is plenty of stuff I can live without right now that needs to go. Then I can focus on the weightier issues.
I'm off to look at the calendar to find a day in January I can take off of work and get started.
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